After that night, I started to question the entire relationship I had with the longshoreman. I knew he was bad for me, but I wanted him more than anyone I had ever met. The next weekend he invited me to a party that was happening at his place. I told him that I would only come if the perverted married guy was not going to be there, and he assured me he wouldn’t.
When I arrived, there were a lot of his friends there and he introduced me to all of them. Almost as if he was, parading me around like I was his girlfriend. But in reality he just wanted to show off who he was sleeping with. The reality of it was, we were in a relationship. Maybe not as committed as serious relationships should be. And I don’t care if anybody thinks that we didn’t love each other.
I truly believe that in some way, in some other time, or past life…we were together. I believe this because there was always some force of nature that I cannot explain, that was constantly driving me back to him.
This party, started to get crazier and crazier. And I don’t fully remember how it happened, but a lot of people started to do blow. Something I had never done before, or even remotely thought of doing. However, the atmosphere of the party, and the influence of peer pressure made me wonder what it would feel like…
” I will only do it if you do it with me” I said to him, after he confessed to me that he had never done it before either.
”Deal” he said, then we each took our turns, and inhaled the white powder.
After some time went by, we really started to feel the effects. The adrenaline rushed through my body, and I could not stop talking to everybody and anybody. Eventually, people dispersed and then it was just me and him. Unable to go to sleep, chatting up a storm. Then he got the idea to light off some firecrackers out front, so we went outside half-naked to light them. As I filmed , he lit the match and a loud BOOM echoed throughout the entire apartment. Sparks flew in every direction. We could not stop laughing and that’s when I realized that we have the most fun together.
Laying on his bed, we still could not stop talking. We talked about our relationship, family, kids, almost everything. Then he started to talk about his mom. He said she was the best person you would ever meet. And then he said…
”You should meet my Mom…She will change your life. I’m going to introduce you to her.”
That was it about him. He would always make me question what I was to him. He would do something so mean to me, and then say something so right that I would fall for him all over again. But the thing was, he was always saying everything I wanted to hear. But he would never do the things he was promising. Like introducing me to his Mom. What also didn’t help the situation was the fact the our Moms looked the same. Kind of like it was meant to be or something. It wasn’t.
In that moment, I put my head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. Just to see if he even had a heart. Obviously he did. But for some reason I couldn’t help but wonder…how someone could spend this much intimate time with another person and say all the things that he has said, and still hurt them, this much, over and over again.
What could have possibly happened to him, to make him this cruel. I had no idea. But I loved him so much that I wanted to be there for him. Always.