Summer 2013 I lost some weight and was feeling surprisingly more confident than usual. It was one of my friend’s birthday celebrations on the weekend and I purchased an expensive, dress online for the occasion.(And to impress the longshoremen of course! ) One of the longshoremen’s friends was having his birthday at the same venue, so as usual, we arranged to meet there to all party together. My friend likes to go all out for her birthday and I love that! I think it is important to celebrate birthdays in a grand way since some people don’t get that many birthdays.
Anyways, she got us all to pitch in for a party bus to take us to the club, which dropped us off right in front of the venue. As soon as we got there we went straight to our usual spot; upstairs in the lounge area by the bar. When the longshoremen arrived he kissed me hard and raved about how amazing I looked in the dress. Graspingly clutching his hand I walked around to introduce him to my friends. After some dancing and drinking he let’s me know that he’s going to go find his friends to bring here and that he’ll be right back.
Politely I acknowledge him, knowing he would come back.
Hoping he would come back… All my friends were with their boyfriends or off who knows where. So I started sending out those mass “where r u?” texts to all my friends…
Truthfully, all I wanted at that moment was to find the longshoremen and spend more time with him. At this point he had been gone for a long time. So I decided to look for him… Immediately I thought he might be outside of the club smoking. (I hated that he smoked. But at least he hated it too and was trying to quit.)
I looked all around outside and couldn’t see him, then suddenly I spotted him a bit down the street with some guys.
They were walking away from the club, down the street.
Was he leaving…? I wondered. There’s no way he would just leave without saying goodbye first… I thought this, as curiosity took over my body and made my legs move faster up the street. I anxiously tried to catch up with him, however they were walking way too fast and I was in heels. In this moment I felt like I was dreaming.
Looking back on this moment hurts because I knew there was no going back.
I was in love with this man. To the point where I was physically chasing after him, even though he didn’t feel the same way about me. I think that’s the saddest thing. That I looked at him like he was the only star in the universe, and I know in my heart he didn’t feel the same way. Now he was too far gone. And I cried.
I sullenly walked back to the club, as tears streamed down my cheek.
All I could hear was the whistles and catcalls in the distance.
A little while later I got back to the club, and I found one of my best friends. She saw me crying so I told her everything.
“It’s okay, calm down. I just saw him outside. Let me go talk to him on your behalf though.” She always has my best interest in heart. And I was in no place to talk to someone rationally at this point in the night, so I let her. I’m still unsure what she said exactly but whatever she said made him come over to me, to make sure I was alright.
“Hey you, what’s wrong!?” He said.
“You left, and I just need you here with me now.” I replied, as he wiped the tears off my face. One thing I’ve learnt, after all of this, is that story’s always look different from someone else’s eyes. In my eyes, we were in love. In his eyes, he knew damn well, that he was going to hurt me.
“Enough of this drama, let’s go dance.” The longshoremen grabbed my hand, and escorted back into the club.
After a couple of hours of dancing we decided to go out for some much-needed fresh air.
Suddenly, out of nowhere the longshoremen gets slapped hard in the face. So hard that his phone goes flying out of his hand, and smashes into pieces onto the pavement. I guess he was supposed to make an appearance at his friend’s birthday but came to see me instead. Which made me feel kind of special. Then he grabbed my hand and we jumped in a cab to go back to his place to get away from all the drama, or so we thought…
I’ll explain this one the best I can…it’s just really painful…