Blackout-Episode 12

It was now August 2013…I had almost forgot to mention that the next day, after the Poker night, I had to be in “Galliano” on Vancouver Island.

My best friend and I were going away for the weekend with my family. Quietly, I snuck out of the longshoremen’s place, so I wouldn’t wake him up. Altogether, I really wanted to avoid that awkward conversation.
I knew he didn’t love me. Even though he said it. And, I knew I loved him. Even though I didn’t say it.

Once we got off the ferry and we got settled into the cabin he messaged me:

hey how’s your hangover? Lol
A week after the “I love you” incident I was supposed to go out with the longshoremen. However, everyone was talking about this huge party that was happening in Burnaby.
All my friends were going, and they informed me there was no way I was missing out on this. This party was a party out of a movie! It was in this guys backyard, and there were tons of people who I knew.
There was a pool filled with glow sticks and blow up dolls.
And there were treadmills…..
(I didn’t really understand this) It was one of those moments, when the real event triumphs your expectations.

Usually my expectations are much higher, which results in my utter disappointment.

This was not the case.

However, I was fairly sober, and as I looked around everyone was on drugs. Everyone.
To make matters worse, out of the corner of my eye, I spot “Virginity Stealer.”(sure that name works…I guess)

Great. Just great.

I could feel my throat clenching up. You know the feeling right before you know you’re going to start crying. You get chills down your spine, tears build-up, and you’re gasping for breath. That feeling. My body started the “fight or flight” reaction. “Flight”. I thought, definitely “flight.” I need to get the hell out of here, I thought.

Right now!

But first, I really wanted to talk to the longshoremen. So I called him up to see if he could come to the party.
He was all the way in Maple Ridge at another party, so unfortunately he couldn’t make it.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” He asked. “Come to the beach with me and the hockey player!”

He had never asked me to do anything with him, besides dinner, drinking and just hanging out at his place! I was elated so of course I said yes. I left the party after that. Sadly, it wasn’t really a party for me. I needed the longshoremen to be there and he wasn’t. The next day the three of us went to Kits Beach. I guess they had planned to drink at the beach, because I noticed a large, red cooler by their brightly coloured towels.

The longshoremen mixed up a drink for me and we just laid on the beach, listened to music, went swimming, and talked. Probably one of the best beach days. Time went by, and we kept drinking. Until 5′ o clock happy hour because we were all quite intoxicated at this point. Mutually, we decided to get a quick bite to eat. Then the game plan was to go back to the longshoremen’s to shower off the salty ocean water…Play card games, pre-drink then head to the bar for even more drinks.

This had to have been the drunkest I had ever been. Drinking all day and all night is way too much for me to handle.
If my memory serves me correctly, we got to the bar and the longshoremen and his friends started ordering rounds of drinks, and shots.


I had never blacked out before this night, and I have to say I’m not fond of it at all.
You got to admit, it’s pretty scary.
That a substance can take control over your entire body and erase parts of your memory that you’ll never get back. The next morning, after a blackout is one of the scariest things.
Especially when you have no idea where you are…

As I opened my eyes, I saw the back of the longshoremen’s head and as I looked down I noticed I was wearing my clothes from the night before. Which felt very strange, because I’m not used to sleeping with a lot of clothes on. I started trying to piece the night together. I could barely remember anything. Then I began to think about the longshoremen’s night. He must’ve had to look after me the whole night. He probably carried me into the house. He obviously left my clothes on and he tucked me into bed.

I was feeling it. That overwhelming, uncontrollable, unsettling, wondrous feeling. I don’t know why?
I’ll try to explain…


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